RED FERN MISSION: J's story of Hope for her sons

I live and breathe for my sons, considering them my motivation would be an understatement. The drive that keeps me going is my faith in the good Lord. I seek his guidance and wisdom to help raise my boys as not every day is rainbows and sunshine. He gives me the strength to help both of my sons, Iver and Steven, overcome their individual differences. My main goal in life is that, with God's guidance and faith, I will raise both boys to be happy, honest, and respectful human beings.

Parenthood has not been easy, but I know that I have this specific mission in life and that I was chosen for a reason. Although I had always wanted a family, the Lord had other plans for me. Shortly after getting married in 2012, I was diagnosed as infertile. My dreams of carrying, birthing, and raising a family were shattered. A few years of sorrow followed, but that changed when…

“...the good Lord figured I had hurt enough ... it was time to lend a helping hand, ”

— Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

Our miracle baby was born on October 1st, 2016. Iver first year of life was full of illness and hospitalizations. The following years, after Iver’s birth, were not any easier. Iverson continued with illnesses and hospitalizations.

At the age of one, he was diagnosed with asthma that was only going to continue to worsen as time went on. Shortly after, he began to expose concerning behavior. We sought help in many places. Many of those places turned us down based on his age. Seeking help and getting answers was challenging, but we were not going to give up.

Almost 3 years went by before he underwent any evaluations, and we got any answers. Unfortunately, we were not mentally prepared for his diagnosis. Finding out Iver is autistic is one of the most stunning things I have gone through. The pain I felt in my heart when the child development specialist called to tell me that Iver had autism is indescribable. My heart sank to my stomach and I felt a numbness run through my mind and body. Although we had always known there was something that made him unique, never in a million years did autism cross our minds. I was submerged in profound anxiety and depression shortly after his diagnosis. Not because of his diagnosis itself but because of the lack of knowledge and understanding I had over autism. My fear of letting him down and failing him because of my lack of knowledge and resources was overwhelming. I thank God because without his grace and Bryan’s (my husband's) strength I would have struggled more to accept things. With God's grace, I overcame my depression and anxiety.

“He only answers the ones that are said from the heart. You have to be sincere and believe in him,”

— Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

I could not sit there submerged in these horrible feelings because my son was not benefiting from it. Instead, I pulled myself together! Failing my son was not an option! Bryan and I began looking for the help and services Iver needed. The worst I could do was nothing. I promised myself I would not leave any stone unturned in finding him the therapies and help he needed regardless of the cost or barriers. Needless to say, Iver started OT, speech, and regular visits to the developmental specialist and psychologist. His schedule was and continues to be hectic. We run from school to different therapies and deal with illnesses from time to time. We currently travel with him to and from appointments about three times a week, and we were finally getting the hang of things when we had another surprise in store for us. During the summer of last year, we were contacted in regards to Bryan’s oldest son. He was being removed from his mother’s care and was going to be placed under the protection of the state of Georgia. He was removed on the basis of child endangerment and neglect. We had to go through an extensive court battle with the state and mom to have him temporarily placed with us. It was and is a difficult situation but the Lord has held our hands through this whole process. This process was not only difficult for Bryan and me, but also for Iver. He didn’t quite understand everything going on. Steven arrived home with us in October 2021 and that was very difficult for Iver.

At this point, Iver was not only trying to understand and figure himself out but also his brother. During Steven’s transition here with us, in February 2022, we learned Steven was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder. For some time now, Iver has been desperately seeking an individual to relate to and form a bond with. This need has progressively worsened. It is very difficult for him to make and keep friends. Many times, other children are not receptive to the way his body moves without control or how he speaks without fully understanding. My hope for him is to have someone or something to hold onto, not just physically but emotionally speaking. I am hoping that Remi will become not just his dog but his best friend. Someone that he can go to seek comfort, comprehension, but most importantly love.

At the age of twenty-eight, I sit here contemplating and reflecting on my life, and I can’t seem to explain how grateful and lucky I feel. God has given me not one but two sons that I am thankful for beyond words. Of course, the sense of fear of failing them never completely subsides, but all I can do is keep on striving to be the best parent I can be.

“ In his fighting heart, there was no fear,”

— Wilson Rawl, Where the Red Fern Grows

I am truly content with what God has blessed me with and the lessons he has taught and continues to teach me. My motivation without a doubt are my boys!